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January 20, 2007

So there you have it.  Basically I was completely right about everything.  Both instinct and logic delivered to me the correct answer almost to the letter.  I don’t know why I ever distrust myself at all anymore.  It’s not like any of this stuff is hard to figure out.  Like I said, like I always say, people behave in very predictable ways.

I also want to point out how abrupt it was when it finally happened.  I had randomly passed her on my way back to Clark Kerr while she was going to class earlier that morning, and she looked so morose–exactly the way she sounded on the phone.  She didn’t even look happy to see me.  She apologized when I talked to her about not getting to see her for days after I arrived, but she was still avoiding me.  Which was understandable, sort of, because she was going to be late for class.  Later that day, I was just whiling away the time like I always do, playing video games in one of the common rooms with a TV, when Christie came in.  We were playing Mario Party, and the game was just about to end, so I jumped out of my seat as soon as it was over and ran to throw my arms around Christie.  She didn’t really hug back at all, even though that’s the sort of thing you can do even to a good friend.  Then she actually said, and I quote, “We need to talk.”  Ugh.  So of course I pretty much knew then that it was over for sure, but it still hadn’t really registered in my mind.  I had to hear it straight from her.  And I did.  The whole conversation lasted less than 10 minutes, I think.  Less than 3 if you count all of the weird pauses in between.  It was sickening how little there was to say.  There wasn’t anything.  She just explained everything that happened, and there was obviously no way around it.  So that was it.  She left me telling me how she hoped we could still be friends, and I just nodded and stared at the floor.  And that was it.  How can the end of a relationship be so utterly final and yet have no closure whatsoever?

I mean, Andrew was telling me how his relationship with Becca almost ended, and they talked for about five hours, staying up into the wee hours of the morning.  And here, our relationship was over in the time it takes to play a short round of Smash Bros.  Fucking ridiculous.

And yet, for all this, I think I might be ready, after just three nights, to move on.  I haven’t really thought about it too hard.  I haven’t been able to concentrate on my studies much, but that’s okay for now.  There was no homework due all week since most of my discussions were canceled, and I don’t have to turn in anything until Tuesday afternoon, I believe.  I don’t even know if that’s related to how I’ve been handling the separation.  (I don’t know what else to call it.  Break-up seems to imply that we broke up, which simply isn’t accurate.  We were broken up.  And in Christie’s case, she was just plain broken.  Oh ho, I’m so clever.)  It could just be adjusting to college life again.  I sure didn’t get any reading done over break after all.  Whatever.  The point is, I did start to think about it while I was over at Andrew’s new room at Kappa Alpha, checking it out for the first time, and I talked to him about how we broke up.  Becca was there, and he told me, “You know what Becca and I have been saying for a while.  Christie doesn’t deserve you.  You’re too good for her.”  I told them and JJ, who I believe was also there, that of course she didn’t deserve me.  “Seriously, I think I’m the shit!  If I went around only looking for girls who deserved me, I’d be sorely disappointed all the time!”  Which got a big laugh out of all of them, and I’m not sure if they took me seriously or not.  I wasn’t totally certain how serious I was taking myself, but just to get their perspective, I asked Becca why she thought that.  Of course, she was a bit reluctant to tell me–Christie is her roommate and friend, after all–but basically, she takes guys for granted and has too many expectations of them.  And you know what?  I can totally see what she means.  I can choose to take all the blame myself, and frankly, I’m very good at it.  But the reason we went through that rough patch was not me.  It’s completely unfair for her to complain about me spending time with my friends when she comp


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