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February 8, 2007

Not strong enough, that last note.  I feel like pissing her off, because she’s pissing me off right now, and I don’t get pissed off that easily.  Here’s what I should say:

Do you remember the post you made on your Xanga last Sunday?  The one where your alarm went off, earlier than you wanted to get up, for a racquetball game that wound up not happening because I decided I had too much work to do?  And how you didn’t make any effort whatsoever to hide the fact that you were pissy about not getting to go play racquetball anymore?  Have you ever noticed how that seems to always be the case?  That whenever something doesn’t go your way, you get all pissy?

Do you want to know what kinds of things I want to do?  Well, I’ll tell you.  Right now I’m mostly going through this a cappella binge.  I go and see four Sproul shows a week now: Air, Decadence, the Men’s Octet, and the Golden Overtones.  That, in addition to the Men’s Chorale practices I have four hours a week plus occasionally an extra hour on Friday for sectionals.  And last Saturday I wanted to see an a cappella competition that they have once a year.  I asked you if you wanted to go, but you didn’t.  I knew you wouldn’t; I didn’t expect you to want to.  Because nobody cares about singing that much.  Heck, I probably won’t care about a cappella this much in a year’s time or even less.  That’s why it’s called a binge.  And you certainly don’t care.  You’ve even said so.  So somehow I’m supposed to simulatenously do all the things I want to do and cater to your limited interests.  I go to all of your stuff.  I came to the anime showings and your Yongmudo class.  Heck, I even went and saw the Departed again with you guys even though I’d already seen it.  You haven’t sat down and watched an a cappella show with me once.  Not a single time.

So you want to know what it is I want.  I want you to actually notice that there are things I want to do, but I often ignore them because I prefer to hang around you.  I want you to not get pissy every time we don’t do something you want to do.  And I don’t just mean not act pissy, I mean not be pissy.  I want you to say something when you haven’t said a goddamn word for hours for no reason.  I want you to explain to me why you do things like that.  But since you seem incapable of doing such things, I settle for wanting you to just be your usual selfish self and decide to do things you want to do and shut up about whether I really want to do it or not.  But now it seems you can’t even do that.


I mean, does she really not see this?  Does she really think she has the right to get pissed at me for these things? How can you be so goddamn unaware?

But it’s not just her of course.  Everyone’s like that.  Everyone has things they don’t want to do.  And everyone expects other people to be selfish like that too just to make them feel better.

Is it any wonder I consider myself godlike?  How is it that nobody else in the world seems to have the capacity to forgo their own interests for those of other people?


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