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April 10, 2007

Just did one of my Buddhism readings and really need to do the other one, but started thinking way too much. So I got on the computer and checked my e-mail and read Andrea’s new Xanga post detailing the many incidents of her past that have caused her to be unable to trust anyone. And how much it bothers her that she can’t trust people. Of course, it bothers me too. It always bothers me when she writes these posts victimizing herself. But after talking to her just now, and thinking back on my Buddhism reading–it’s all gotten me started on this matter of perspective again. Perspective. It’s gotta be the most intriguing part of philosophy; I can’t think of any other phenomenon that you could write nearly so many volumes on as perspective. I have to admit that as must as it seems like she’s victimizing herself, she makes some good points. I can’t say that she hasn’t had to deal with a hell of a lot more shit than most people–she’s certainly had to deal with more shit than anyone should reasonably have to deal with.
C says:
hello?
Andrea says:
his
Andrea says:
i mean, hi’s
C says:
his what? ahaha
Andrea says:
im adding s to everything o_o
C says:
like “lols”
Andrea says:
i suppose, although i dont say lols
C says:
So, I enjoyed your latest “I’m a victim” xanga entry
Andrea says:
oh did you?
C says:
yes, quite so
Andrea says:
really?
Andrea says:
what about it?
C says:
just the sheer quantity of evidence you amassed
Andrea says:
its been bothering me lately
C says:
it should. trusting people is a good thing
C says:
especially when you’re in a relationship as you are
Andrea says:
i know
C says:
you know, maybe your friends who didn’t come to your birthday parties had a good reason but just thought it might be too awkward to tell you
Andrea says:
and these reasons happened at almost every one of them?
Andrea says:
i have never had a birthday party, where i invited people, that included more then two or three
C says:
okay, just a thought
Andrea says:
i usually invited 10 or more
Andrea says:
so by junior high i gave up
C says:
also, i don’t get the problem with your first best friend
Andrea says:
what dont you get?
C says:
Just, what was so bad about what she did?
C says:
what did she even do?
Andrea says:
well she might also be the cause for my complete love of fiction in the world, and if so i thank her for that (although that might make me messed up)
Andrea says:
she didnt really do anything intentionally bad
Andrea says:
i think she just seriously wanted attention and thats how she went about it
C says:
so that doesn’t really have that much to do with violation of trust
Andrea says:
how am i to trust people when they’re pratting on about their imaginary friends. i mean i believed in all that, everything she says, and then suddenly its not real anymore?
C says:
but what does it matter really? What difference did it make in how much she liked you and considered you a friend?
Andrea says:
it may sound silly, but at that age i was slightly disappointed and slightly pissed to find out that she completely dissolved me in her little world of make believe
Andrea says:
oh nothing, i still loved her
Andrea says:
i was just seriously annoyed
Andrea says:
people dont generally like it when something bursts their bubble
C says:
By the way, I never really talked to you about you being with Andy
C says:
I think you should know it really bothered me that you didn’t tell me for such a ridiculously long time
Andrea says:
..Sorry. I just feel seriously uncomfortable having people knowing that stuff. I have no idea why really, and I realize its wierd.
C says:
yeah, i understand.
C says:
So how are things going with that, anyway?
Andrea says:
oh its good
C says:
could one even say, it’s “pretty good, pretty good”?
Andrea says:
-_-
Andrea says:
yes
Andrea says:
although, something else that really bothers me, and makes me so freakin. paranoid or bothered or whatever, is that theres like this piece of my mind that’s asking the question “oh hello, So, what is this thing called a boyfriend and how does that fit into you life? I mean common..”
Andrea says:
I dont know how to explain it…
C says:
I think I get it
Andrea says:
do you?
C says:
A “boyfriend” is sort of just a social construct, yet it must inherently mean much more than that
C says:
Although I don’t know how to explain it either, so we could go on talking about two entirely different things never knowing it
Andrea says:
true
Andrea says:
I think I’m leaning towards the whole “wow, I really dont know how this all works and yet i do and yet i dont for reasons i easily but the blame on even though i try not to”
C says:
hm
C says:
Well, I honestly doubt if anyone really knows how it works
Andrea says:
have most of those people had seriously messed up experiences concerning it?
C says:
Well, no, I suppose most people wouldn’t
C says:
but I also think to a large degree, every relationship is of a completely different type. It’s impossible to compare one with another
Andrea says:
true
C says:
even those who have had good relationship experiences in the past will soon be tripped up by some new situation
Andrea says:
yeah
C says:
and you’re basically playing it by ear all the time, no matter what
C says:
well, i’d better go to bed now
Andrea says:
hey wait
Andrea says:
did you read?
C says:
yeah?
C says:
oh, some of it
C says:
it doesn’t seem that bad
C says:
i’ll finish the rest in the morning
C says:
what did you find so unreadable about it?
Andrea says:
the second one
Andrea says:
nargul or someone
Andrea says:
i couldnt focus on what he was talking abotu
C says:
yeah, what about him?
Andrea says:
what is his point?
C says:
Isn’t he talking about the same sorts of things you talked about in your philosophy class last semester?
Andrea says:
what? whether one can justify things and how do we justify this justification
Andrea says:
do we live in the matrix?
Andrea says:
do animals have thought, and how do we justifiy this/
Andrea says:
knowledge!
C says:
yeah, it sounds like he’s basically just talking about issues concerning reality and what is real
C says:
i don’t know his point since i haven’t read through it all, but i think he probably just wants to point out all these issues more than anything.
Andrea says:
ah
C says:
but again, i need to read the whole thing probably
C says:
so i better go
Andrea says:
ok
C says:
see ya
Andrea says:
bye bye

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